10/12/15

loosing yourself -- finding yourself

sometimes we find ourselves slowly drifting away from what we are. this could be because of a person, an activity, or just where you are in life. 

recently, i've been feeling like i'm drifting. i don't know if it's because i haven't had a moment to breathe, or because i now have someone else in my life now. or maybe its because this is my second year in this city and everything isn't brand new and exciting to me anymore. 

i don't know what it is, but i feel like i am drifting and that i am a little lost. not completely, but i can see it coming in the future and that scares me. 

this is my way of keep myself true to me and who i am. 

i am the girl who loves to write. who needs to write just to keep her thoughts straight sometimes. 

i am the girl who has random urges to paint and get messy because i have some sort of feeling inside of me that can't be described with words. 

i am the girl who needs some sort of artistic expression to survive in general. 

i am the girl who utterly misses her family and when things were easy. 

i am the girl who just wants to succeed in life and not lose myself like i (sort of) did this time last year. 

i am the girl who is trying her hardest at everything. but sometimes trying your hardest makes you forget about yourself and your wants and needs because you become consumed by everything else around you. i'm trying not to let that happen. 

this is my way of staying close to my heart and who i am. i need this therapy that is writing. 

As you may be able to tell, a lot has happened in my life since my last post. I've gained two jobs, a boyfriend, lost 5 pounds, and average about 6 hours of sleep a night. It's not easy and the Sophomore Slump is real. But, I think the slump is actually just the slap in the face from reality we all get at this stage in our life and it's not easy. But, I'm trying to make it all happen and slowly succeeding. 

Part of my wishes there was a bigger online community of student bloggers that I could talk to and share these feelings with. Who knows? Maybe I'll start one myself; if there's time that is. ;)


8/20/15

Why Leaving For College Is So Hard

It's that time of year again when I have to leave my family, hometown and friends to go back to college. Last year, I wrote about how I was feeling leaving home for the first time and how many different emotions I was feeling. But this year, they almost feel stronger. Why? I do not know.

Maybe it's because this time, I don't have a fresh slate. People know me now. They know what I've done and haven't done. They know my strengths and they know my weaknesses. And worst of all, they know my faults. And having people know that about you is scary. 

This time when I go back, I have people I had relationships (not just romantic relationships) with that I may no longer talk to. I won't have the same roommates, so I'll be with someone completely new who may be totally different from me. (And that's probably scaring me the most.) Like, will I be judged for going out on a Saturday night when last year it was the norm? Will I be able to walk around in a towel? This is important stuff to know.

Constant questions such as: "Did anyone miss me? Is anyone looking forward to seeing me again? Will my new roommate like me?" bug me constantly. It's a new kind of torture that I didn't know existed. 

So, yeah, going back this time does seem to have my nerves in more of a bundle then it did last year, but for completely different reasons. Last year, I honestly couldn't tell you what I was scared of - if anything. This year, I feel like I might puke. 

But deep inside of me, I know it's going to be okay. If I don't talk to that person, it's okay. If no one missed me, well that sucks, but it's okay. 

Last year was such a life changing experience for me and I know that's where all this anxiety is coming from. Will it be as great? Well, I can't tell you that right now. But I have no doubt in my mind that it won't be all sorts of amazing. 

So, let the craziness begin. Bring on the all nighters, the tears cried over boys, the headaches on a Sunday morning, and the feeling of absolute bliss you sometimes get when everything is absolutely, and beautifully in place. Just like they should be; just like they will be.

7/28/15

Serengetee - Changing the World by Wearing the World

Hello, all! 

I've recently had the pleasure of being a part of the rep team for the company Serengetee and wanted to share what they are about with you. If haven't heard of them before, here is a quick low-down. 

6/19/15

OOTD - June 19

June is almost over! With the heat in full swing, summer apparel is fully here and ready to play. Here is this weeks #OOTD!

6/8/15

OOTD - June 8


I've been wanting to try something fun and new for this blog and I feel like since it's summer, it's a perfect time to be sharing OOTDs! 
There will be one a week and with that said, here is this weeks!

6/5/15

currently #5


Currently's are one of my favorite things to write because it gives a snapshot of what is going on in my life in the here and now. Plus, when I look back on them, it gives me a sense of how far I've come and how I've changed! 


listening: beautiful now - zedd. Currently really loving this album. 
eating: just downed a bowl of chicken noodle soup and Emergen-C because I am starting to come down with something :(
drinking: water, water, water because hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.
wearing: the most not-matching comfy outfit I could find. 
feeling: The only way I can describe how I'm feeling right now is through question marks. So, ????
weather: hot, warm, humid, florida-like. 
wanting: to feel better so I can get things done!
needing: to write a paper for my online political science class...
thinking: that I have a lot to do! But I thrive off being busy if I'm being honest. 
enjoying: new, amazing music. I haven't really been searching for it; it's kind of found me recently. 
reading: The Evolution of Mara Dyer by Michelle Hodkin. One word: A M A Z I N G.  It's the second in the series and I expect to be done by tomorrow. Find my review on the first book here
writing: This post and a lot more to come soon ;)
hoping: That  I can find a few extra side jobs here and there to make some extra money this summer!
craving: Something that doesn't taste like Emergen-C. 
obsessing: over the new Local Wolves issue featuring Tori Kelly! Check it out here


what are some of your own responses to these questions? Let me know in the comments or anywhere on my social media!